"A Letter to Daddy"
Momma told me to write to you today,
but I had no time. New children arrived
with the latest transport, and
I had to play with them.
I didn’t notice time pass.
but I had no time. New children arrived
with the latest transport, and
I had to play with them.
I didn’t notice time pass.
I live better these days.
I sleep on my own mattress on the floor,
so I will not fall down.
At least I don’t have much work to fix up my bed,
and in the morning I see the sky from my window.
I was coughing a bit, but I don’t want to get sick,
for I am happy when I can run in the courtyard.
Tonight there will be a gathering
like the ones at Scout camp in the summer.
We will sing songs we know,
a girl will play the accordion.
I know you wonder how we fare here,
and you would surely like to be with us now.
And something else, Daddy. Come soon
and have a more cheerful face!
When you are unhappy, Momma is sad,
and then I miss the sparkle in her eyes.
You promised to bring me books
because, truly, I have nothing to read.
So please, come tomorrow, right before dusk.
I will surely be grateful for this.
Now I must stop. Momma sends you her love.
I will rejoice when I hear your footsteps
in the hall. Until you are with us again,
I send you my greetings and kisses.
Hello Jose, here are the things I liked, and disliked about your poem.
ReplyDeleteLikes-
One thing I noticed was the color of your butterfly. The white images of playfulness and innocence for the child contrast against the black background. Like putting on a cheery facade while wanting their father to come home. This also can be seen with the fact you have a mad little boy in the bottom right corner, this boy is showing how he is bitter about not being able to see his father, and having to play all day.
The innocence is shown with the writing style of the poet, you say he plays all day and sees his mom without a spark ion her eyes. I believe this is also a good representation with the white pictures on your butterfly, because the black represents the horrors happening around this son, who hasn't seen his dad, but life continues as normal. A pure soul, with the white color, living in a black horrific world.
I do like the green tag representing the hope of his father coming home. I believe you did a good job incorporating the line from the poem about the boy seeing his father again. The boy believes he will see his father again, and this hope shows the innocence and naivety of the child, as well as the false hope implanted in him. His father is just going on a work trip, and he will be back soon, the boy is completely blind to the thought of not seeing his father again, you did a good job explaining this.
Dislikes-
There was a lot of informal writing, especially in your Color Choice tag, with words like "kinda depressing", it gives your paragraph an informal feel. You also have many grammatical errors, on the same tag, you have a lower case (i), and you have a misplaced comma on the Mood/Tone tag, which confused me and made me have to reread the whole tag.
On your Author's Purpose tag, I don't feel like you did a good A enough job of showing the separation of families, which you instead did on the green Hope tag with the quote I talked about earlier. I believe that the Author's purpose was showing the naivety of children and how families were separated during this crisis. This was something that you didn't emphasize on, instead you showed the obvious truth, that it was a letter from a child to his dad. This Author's Purpose tag did a bad job overall of digging deeper into the meaning of the poem, not what is just on the water's surface.
I noticed a lot of repetition, I saw you consistently using the same line from the poem to give examples, and not using other lines to back up your evidence. I was very confused with your sources of media. There were two photos, one of prague and one of the Auschwitz sign, frankly, I have no idea what either of the photos is for. There was no description or any relevance of the photos to your butterfly.
Thanks for reading my comment.
Hello Jose, I really like how your butterfly looks like a chalk board I say this because it is unique. One thing that I noticed is that you butterfly is very dull but it's good because it goes straight into point. There are a couple of things that you can fix for example your two pictures don't have an explanation of what it is so it can be very confusing. I realaized that the yellow tags are the pictures, the red tags is the poetry analysis, I believe the green tags is to explain why you put the objects on your butterfly.
ReplyDeleteGood job Jose! I liked how you made the white and blue stand out with the black background which represented the Jews and the boy himself. It was very eye catching when I saw the facial expression on the boy. The drawing of the little boy with that facial expression shows how much he really wants to be with his father. The one thing I was confused on though was on the swing set and what made you make it a part of your butterfly. Overall You did a great job on your butterfly.
ReplyDeleteYour butterfly is very unique. I was able to understand it very clearly, and l liked your many symbolic references. You also express the innocence of the poet through painting in white, which is very symbolic and informational. You also explain how he thinks that he will see his father again, that he's only away for the weekend. You express this well by showing the boy's innocence to the world and to what's happening to him. I wish your symbolic references though, were more symbolic rather than out in the open. You also needed to improve the auor's purpose tag along with many grammar errors. Other than that your butterfly was really well done.
ReplyDelete